tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4301642537197902664.post6130017654598791718..comments2014-03-24T06:41:02.297-04:00Comments on The Erudite Ogre: Aetas Nex: PrologueThe Erudite Ogrehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15073042316337498298noreply@blogger.comBlogger4125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4301642537197902664.post-39414790061906236562009-05-27T21:12:32.235-04:002009-05-27T21:12:32.235-04:00Nice work, very apocalyptic so far. I know some p...Nice work, very apocalyptic so far. I know some people I wouldn't have minded sending over to the McHughs. Haven't read anything further as yet. In para 8 the last sentence seems a bit, contrived maybe? I can't imagine someone speaking about his wife like that. I would imagine it would either be more emotional or more clinical given the seemingly horrible circumstances.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01265941038937381929noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4301642537197902664.post-34582816058333393122009-05-25T10:41:36.292-04:002009-05-25T10:41:36.292-04:00argh--just lost my comment..dangit
It reads REALL...argh--just lost my comment..dangit<br /><br />It reads REALLY well--I definitely want to read more :)<br /><br />But (d'oh!)<br />after I was thinking about it for a bit I realized something was bugging me. Even if he were writing while in shock, some of the trauma would have snuck in earlier in the entry. <br />You pick up how disturbed he is later, but not earlier.<br /><br />A quick fix would be to break it into two entries...one toned with concern and the need for caution--one toned with the terror and sadness...<br /><br />just my 0.02.<br /><br />None of this snagged me while I was reading--like I said, it read really well. It was just after the fact, when I was thinking about it more.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4301642537197902664.post-84654491288836707882009-05-25T10:07:40.256-04:002009-05-25T10:07:40.256-04:00Heh, excellent! I'm glad you went for the diction...Heh, excellent! I'm glad you went for the dictionary!<br /><br />Your response is pretty spot-on, which is good because that's what I'm going for. And yes, details will start to fill in soon. Charley Gould's letter becomes rather important down the road. . . .The Erudite Ogrehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15073042316337498298noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4301642537197902664.post-30228557173541174952009-05-25T09:47:44.711-04:002009-05-25T09:47:44.711-04:00I have a silly measurement when reading things in ...I have a silly measurement when reading things in English: if what's written made me grab the dictionary, it's good! <br />The atmosphere is heavy, it's nice. It would be cool if in a few chapters ahead you made a flashback and told in details how people died, or some flashforward. I think it entangles the plot amazingly.fdsfdshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09943583019547946135noreply@blogger.com